The Fellowship Files
by Arien Maia of the Sun
Summary: Kati is a 15 year old girl dealing with the everyday traumas of high school and life. Of course, when the Fellowship of the Ring lands in her living room, life can’t get any more insane…
1. Default Chapter

Title: The Fellowship Files

Rating: Pg13

Summary: Kati is a 15 year old girl dealing with the everyday trauma of high school.  Of course, when the Fellowship of the Ring lands in her bedroom, life can't get any more insane…

**Starring**

Kati Alton

Aubrey Galloway

Leigh Turner

London and Calais Brody and  

Lynette 'Lyn' Jones 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a chilly Friday in mid-January, and my parents had left earlier that afternoon for a much needed vacation to sunny California.  They really didn't want to bring me along, so I was left to fend for myself.  Of course, since the parental units weren't there, my four best friends were over and planned on staying until my parents got back about two weeks from now.

So there we were, eating ice cream and watching the Fellowship of the Ring (Extended Version) celebrating the fact that midterms were over.  All was calm and peaceful, except for the fact that one of my friends (Leigh)  was on extreme sugar high and babbling incoherently about Elrond's eyebrows.  Then again, that _was_ fairly calm for her.    

"Hey, Kati?"

I glanced over at my friend, London.  "What?"

"I was wondering… Do they llamas in Middle Earth?  'Cause then they could be Elvish Llamas!"

London's older sister, Calais, rolled her eyes.  "Sister, dear.  I highly doubt they have llamas running around in the middle of Mordor or anything."

London glared.  "But they've got horses.  Why can't they have llamas?"

"Because I highly doubt that Tolkien had a llama obsession like you do," Lynette put in, an amused look on her face.

"Oh."

At that same exact moment, all the lights went out in the house, causing us all to scream.  Then, as suddenly as they had gone out, the lights went back on with a flash of neon pink light.  Except now we weren't the only ones in the room.  In fact, there were nine people standing in my living room pointing an assortment of weapons at us.

As we all sat there staring, only Lynette had the good sense to pause the movie so we didn't miss anything important (even though we'd seen in 16 times).

"Dude.  We are not armed here.  You can put the pointy things away," London said, eyeing the sword that was pointed between her eyes rather apprehensively.  

When the people made no move to put the weapons away, the old man sighed.  "You may sheathe your weapons.  The ladies do not lie to us."

As soon as all traces of weaponry were gone, I crossed my arms and glared at the people from my spot on the couch.  "Okay.  Explain why the hell you're in MY house."

"We do not know, my lady."

I rolled my eyes.  "Look.  If you don't know how the heck you got into my house at 10 o'clock at night, you've got problems.  I highly doubt all nine of you guys were sleepwalking."

That was when Leigh put her usually non-existent observational skills to use.  "Kati.  Calm down for a moment.  Tell me what you see," she hissed.

"Uh… An old guy in a gray dress, two greasy men, four midget dudes, another midget dude with a horrid beard, and a guy whose got pointy ears and hair blonder than mine."

Leigh nodded and the other girls stared at us, unsure about what we were discussing.  That's when it dawned on me.

"**Holy Elvish Llamas!  It's the Fellowship of the Ring!**"

This information hit the other girls like a brick and they all sat there gaping at the Fellowship, who hearing what I had shrieked, had drawn their weapons once more. 

"How do you know of our quest.  It is supposedly secret?" demanded the shorter, yet stockier of the two men.

"Well, Boromir of Gondor."  Calais smirked as she watched the man's face contort.  "Practically everyone in this world knows of your quest.  It was all written into a book."

"Do you have these books?" an eager voice asked.

"Yeah.  We all do."  Calais frowned at the hobbit.  "No Pippin, you can't read 'em.  You'll know about your futures and that might not be pretty.  Could end your world and ours as we know it."

"So.  Where are you on your quest?" Aubrey asked curiously.

"We just left Rivendell a few days ago," Gandalf informed them.  "If you could inform us of our whereabouts and introduce yourselves, you may make some things a bit clearer."

"You are in Oakridge, Pennsylvania which is in the country of the United States of America,"  I told them.  "I'm Kati Alton, the pink haired girl is Aubrey Galloway.  The two redheads are Calais and London Brody, Leigh Turner is the brunette, and Lynette or Lyn Jones is the one with bright red hair.  We're all fifteen, except for Calais who's sixteen."

Gandalf frowned, his many wrinkles increasing.  "I have never heard of your country before."

"Uh… Maybe someone who doesn't like you sent you across time and into another world?" suggested London.  "Like Saruman."

"Yes, that is possible.  Saruman is powerful enough to do something like this, and his treachery runs deep."

Kati sighed.  "I suppose you guys can stay here.  My parents won't be home for two weeks and we can't exactly turn you loose in our world.  It's, uh, quite a bit different than your world."

"Why is my image on this box-like object?" Legolas questioned, staring at the TV, which Lyn had paused a few minutes ago.

Lyn quickly turned the TV off and shrugged.  "No reason.  Well, there is a reason, but it would take to much time to explain and we'd risk screwing up your world and ours."

"What's this?" asked Aragorn as Legolas and Gimli joined him to peer at the new devise.

"Oh, that's my laptop computer," London explained.  "I brought it over with me so I could finish reading something…"

Aubrey frowned and whispered, "London?  Weren't you reading a Slash fic starring Aragorn and Legolas?"

London's eyes got as big as saucers and she sprinted across the living room and grabbed the computer from the three.  "You do not, I repeat, do NOT touch the computer or read anything on there.  Otherwise you will be emotionally scarred for life!"

Legolas nodded.  "But could you explain this 'Slash' thing and why it pertains to Aragorn and I?"

Leigh, who had been listening to the whole conversation, grinned.  "A Slash fic is a story about a gay, or, uh, homosexual couple.  The two names listed are the two involved in the relationship."

Aragorn and Legolas stared at each other and began to slowly back away.  Leigh cackled insanely.

"You think you two being coupled together is awful?  Picture this.  Legolas and Gimli."

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AN:  I know it's probably not very amusing right now.  But hopefully it'll get better.  I also need a beta-reader, if anyone's willing.  Thanks and please R/R

~ Arien, Maia of the Sun


	2. Gandalf Gets a Makeover

Title: The Fellowship Files

Rating: Pg13

Summary: Kati is a 15 year old girl dealing with the everyday trauma of high school.  Of course, when the Fellowship of the Ring lands in her bedroom, life can't get any more insane…

**Starring**

Kati Alton

Aubrey Galloway

Leigh Turner

London and Calais Brody and  

Lynette 'Lyn' Jones

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been nearly an hour since the Fellowship had arrived, and yet we still hadn't gotten around to discussing anything.  It was mostly the hobbits' (and Leigh's) faults, since they insisted on being fed.  Of course, I attempted to cook, and failed miserably.  So then we had to call Calais in to cook, and, well, you get the point.

"What are we going to do with them?" I asked, gesturing to the Fellowship.  We had told them to sit down and to keep from touching anything.  "I mean, we've got school on Monday and my parental units will be back in two weeks."

"Not to mention the fact that they'd never survive in our lovely world," Lynette added.  "That is, if the fangirls don't get to them first."

"You're going to have to keep them here," Leigh said.  "Of course, we'll help ya keep an eye on them, Kati.  Well, as long as we're staying here."

"Jah, but what about school and stuff?" I replied.  "I am NOT leaving them here to ruin my house or London's computer because they happened to come across a slash fic!"

"Just take them to school and tell everyone they're your cousins and that they've never seen a Catholic high school before.  Its not like you're lying," Aubrey suggested.  

"Oh, aye.  You can _really_ see the family resemblance, can't ya?" I snapped sarcastically.  Let me tell you, having the friggen Fellowship land in your living room is no picnic.  

Aubrey thought for a moment.  "Well… You and Legolas do have the same color hair…"

"Yeah.  And that's about as far as the resemblance goes," Lyn put in regretfully.  "But it's the only way to get them to school."

"Just as long as the rabid fangirls don't attack them!" Calais put in helpfully.  "Now… as to where they'll sleep."

Okay, that was rather simple.  "Oi!  Hobbits!  You're going to sleep down here.  Touch any of my food and you won't have a stomach to fill.  Understand?"

The hobbits nodded at me, eyes wide.  My friends were all trying to smother giggles.  Lets just say that I'm fairly protective of my jelly beans.

"Lyn, London, Calais, and Leigh will sleep in my room."  Now came the tricky part.  "Okay… Legolas can have my parents room.  Gimli and Gandalf can have my brother's room (a little more dirt won't matter).  Aragorn and Boromir can have the guest room.  Now, for bathrooms…."

                                                          ~~*~~

After we had gotten the Fellowship somewhat settled in their new quarters, my friends and I ran up to my room and barricaded ourselves, literally.  Okay, wouldn't you be just a wee bit scared if you had nine strange men in your house?  I mean, even if five of them are midgets, one of them is a suspected hobbit molester (cough GANDALF cough).  

"I think that is the most excitement I've witnessed in a LONG time," Calais gasped as she flopped down on my bed.  "Just be glad your parents weren't home."

London giggled.  "That would have been hilarious!  Could you imagine your dad?"

"He'd look like a dying wombat!"

"Uh, Kate?"  Leigh was looking puzzled.  "What the hell is a dying wombat?"

"A wombat that is about to croak and meet its maker?" suggested Leigh.

"Yah!  That's it!"

London and Aubrey smiled almost identical evil grins.  One would think that they were sisters, rather than London and Calais.

"Whatcha up to now?" Lyn asked, a curious expression on her face as she spun my desk chair around.

"Wanna pull a prank on Elfy?" Aubrey asked innocently.

"Yeah, I'd love to.  But Elfy is probably still awake and can probably hear us," Lyn replied, a little regretfully.  "What about Gandalf?"

London smirked.  "The old windbag should be asleep.  We outta steal his hat and staff."

"Nah, that's too boring," I said, as I grinned over at Calais.  "His look is kinda old.  Maybe we should give him a make over?"

"Ooh!  A make over!" screeched Leigh, bouncing up and down while clapping her hands.  "I get to do his hair!"

"Ssh!" Calais hissed.  "Leigh can do his beard, Aubrey can do his hair, Lyn can do his fingernail, I'll do his toenails, Kati will do face make up, and London can sprinkle the glitter and perfume!"

All six of us looked at each other and cackled insanely at the same moment.  Life was defiantly looking up…

                                                          ~~*~~

The next morning we all woke up earlier than usual.  Thankfully, none of the Fellowship was up, so we didn't have any annoying morons bugging us about our world.  Ah… Nothing's better than a peaceful morning with a nice warm shower to wake you up.

There were six of us, and four showers.  One was attached to my room, one was downstairs, one was attached to my parent's room, and one was off the main hall upstairs.  It was decided that it would be divided by hair color.  London and Calais got my bathroom (both have red hair), Lyn was declared a brunette because it was her natural hair color along with Leigh and they got the one in the main hall.  Aubrey got the downstairs, since none of us could remember her original hair color, and I, being the only blonde, got the one attached to my parents room.

I remembered that Legolas was probably still sleeping, so I made sure I opened the bedroom door quietly and shut it behind me.  Sure enough, the elf was flopped on my mom and dad's bed happily sleeping (with his eyes open…freaky).  I walked into the bathroom, and closed the door behind me.

My shower was a nice refreshing one, and thankfully, I managed to keep from singing.  I really didn't need to wake all of our visitors by blowing out their eardrums.  I mean, that might not exactly be the way they're accustomed to being woken up.

Just as I climbed out of the shower and wrapped my fluffy blue towel around myself, the door opened.  I spun around and saw a very red, and very startled elf.  That damned pervert!  I gave my best warrior shriek and hurled my hairdryer at him with several _very_ unladylike curses.  By the time he'd run from the room and shut the door, I'd already went through all my curses and a hairdryer, perfume bottle, deodorant, and a box of tampons.

By the time I'd finished drying off, getting into clean clothes, and taken a few Advil's, the whole household was downstairs.  In fact, Lynette and Calais were already finished making breakfast.  So I stomped over to where Aubrey was standing, glaring at the damned elf the whole while.

"Try that stunt again, elfy, and that pretty blonde hair of yours is going up in flame," I hissed as I pasted the elf.  PMS and peeping elves do not mix.

London had watched this whole exchange, and obviously she'd heard me shrieking curses upstairs.  She turned to Legolas.  "Don't worry, she'll be over this soon enough.  She just suffering from Pissy Maiden Syndrome."

"Does this Pissy Maiden Syndrome have anything to do with, how do you say the word, tampons?" Legolas asked, completely unaware that he should be ashamed.

London snorted and glanced over at me.  "You threw tampons at him?"

I crossed my arms and nodded defensively.  "It's not my fault that the stupid prick decided to come wandering in while I was in a towel."

Aubrey, who'd been listening, raised an eyebrow.  "Oh.  Why are you upset?  At least you weren't arse naked.  That would give you a reason to chuck tampons at him."

I sighed rather heavily and turned to the elf.  "Look I'm sorry for attempting to harm, er, kill you.  Just don't ever go into the bathroom if you hear water running.  Otherwise, I'll make sure Gimli sees you in the nude."

Legolas got a terrified look on his face, obviously remembering the incident last night with slash fics.  However, across the kitchen, Calais wasn't paying attention to the breakfast and had a rather dreamy look on her face.

"Oi!  Calais!!  Get your friggen mind outta the gutter, you pervy woman!  We need breakfast over here!"

Calais's face turned crimson and the rest of us girls broke into hysterical giggles.  Calais had a little, oh fine, _massive_ thing for the aforementioned elf.  Though it was mostly lust, let me assure you.  That girl has a very naughty mind.  Especially when it comes to the many uses of duct tape.

Leigh seemed to be thinking along the same lines as me.  "Hey, Calais, Kati's got some duct tape and chocolate syrup around the house.  You may be wanting that tonight!"

If it was even possible, poor Calais's face turned even more red at this comment.  Of course, the men were completely confused by our comments.

"What would one do with chocolate sauce and this duck tape thing at night?" Sam asked innocently.

Lyn snorted.  "You don't know?  Sam, I thought you'd understand, seeing as you do those kind of things with Frodo all the time!"

At this we broke into more laughter and once more the guys were utterly confused.  They really didn't get out much did they?

"Here's a hint, Sam," London whispered softly.  "It's something that people like Aragorn and Arwen would do."

"Yes, my dear hobbits.  But don't tell a soul.  Especially Aragorn," Aubrey added in.

The hobbits suddenly seemed to catch onto what we had been talking about.  Of course Frodo and Sam glanced at each other.

"Why would Sam and I do something like _that_?" Frodo asked, slightly disgusted.

"Uh, don't mind Lyn, alright.  She's been reading too many slash fics," I told them  "Speaking of chocolate, I've got a chocolate craving!"

The four hobbits eyed me carefully and backed away, almost as if I were a rapist or something.  I smacked Pippin upside the head.

"Get your minds out of the gutter.  Just because I want chocolate, it doesn't mean I want to have a kinky romp with someone!"  I sighed.  How long was I going to have to put up with these moronic weenies for?

That's when we girls noticed Gandalf had yet to make an appearance.  And, speak of the devil!  Here he was.  And he was look _exceptionally_ fine today, I might add.

Poor Gandalf had his hair in pigtails, his beard braided with purple beads at the ends, his nails were pink, and his toenails a particularly hideous green.  We'd sprayed him with a nasty smelling perfume and sprinkled glitter all over. He had shockingly red lipstick on with green eye shadow reaching up to his eyebrows.  We'd also put a little too much blush on…

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AN: I'd like to thank y'all for reviewing!!!   Hope enjoyed reading this chapter.  It might not be that great since I just wrote it after my Algebra Midterm.  I detest Algebra…

~Arien, Maia of the Sun


End file.
